While randomly listening to songs on youtube, I came across this

The tunes in the interludes are copied by Anu malik in the songs chori chori jab nazrein mili (Movie Barsaat) and the title song of movie Fiza. I hate him x-(

I have been reading a lot about it ... And have an erie feeling that I might get it .. :-S
Fear of death? Or anything at all - to avoid studying for the exam tomorrow? :-|

I waited for the bus no.2 to come in the intersection of Washington Ave and Oak street today afternoon when a distant memory came back.

It was my first week in Minneapolis and I had lost my wallet on that day. Till now, I don't know how. The wallet was a gift plus it had about $400. I had about $200 left and that was all the money I had. Rest was in a DD, which would take two weeks to encash. I, with my friend, had retraced our path in scorching heat to find it, all in vain. We were also trying to find a house to live in, and hadn't had a particularly successful day. Due to extreme heat and I-don't-know-what my face, arms and legs were swollen. With sore mind and body, with a longing to go back to mom, to sister, I stood there, pathetically. In the same bus stop.

Just then, I realized that I was all out of cash and I hadn't a dollar and a half to pay for the bus. My body just refused the option of going back to my friend and asking. Taking one more step felt like a huge effort. I looked around helplessly and found another Indian there, comfortably sitting and chatting with a friend. I told him the bare essentials of the story and found that he too was a student of computer science and Then. Well. Asked for money. Which thankfully he gave. Embarrassed further, I stood waiting for bus no.2, wondering if I could hold my tears back until I reached the bathroom in the house where I was temporarily staying.

Then came a bus - no.6. Some white foreigner guy waiting with us in the same bus stop hopped into it.

In the buses here, if you pay a dollar and a half, you get what is called a "transfer pass". You can use the pass to travel by any other bus of the same transportation company (metro transit) for the next two hours. So this guy got his pass, went and settled in a window side seat, and kept looking at me. I felt his gaze and turned towards him and our eyes met. He smiled a bit and threw his pass out of the window. The bus moved.

I picked up the pass, my swollen fingers rubbing against the warm, rough concrete as I did so. It felt good. Half waved my hand in gratitude towards the bus. I returned money to the Indian from whom I had just borrowed.

As I recalled the episode today, I realized that that, was not the only occasion when I found comfort in the thought that some stranger - about whom I don't know anything at all for all practical purposes - somehow could understand my pain, by magic, and somehow wanted to help, wanted me happy.

Then came the 2. And I moved on. A bit confused and a bit shocked. Today, and that day.

Attention span too small. Cannot pay attention in classes continuously. Lot of grey hair also: I am getting old. Midterms next week, tensed. What do I eat tonight? Feeling hungry already. Confused whether it is hot or cold out here. Wonder if mom is sleeping well. Wonder when this class will end. Will I finish the project due for next tuesday? Hell I forgot to pay the internet bill.

*** These are called disconnected thoughts ***
*** This is called an LJ of a disoriented girl ***

Tips for getting over laziness and longing to be idle? Please?

Dear Kruthi,
Why do you compulsively start watching random videos on youtube, when you have a lot of work?
Tell? Tell?
Kruthi
PS: Touched by this one

I want to sleep on my mom's lap.
I want to be able to think of algorithms and not get that sick feeling in my stomach.
I want to be able to not think of other people.
I want to be positive about having a go on things I am not likely to be good at.
I want to go to Kolmanskop, Namibia.
I want funding.
I want to go to himalayas :(
I want to pet a kitten.
I want to spend a day without thinking of freaking hunger and the effort/money that goes into staving it off.
I want to see clean cloths without having to spend an hour and a half on it.
I want to be able to think passionately about something.
I want a clean room.
I want to take a small baby in my arms and look into it's eyes.
I want mom.
I want mom :(
I want dosas and coffee.
I want to talk fun and make people laugh. :(
I want amma. Having sisters around won't hurt >:P
I want groceries.
I don't want MS.
I hate computer science.
I want mom mom mom. I freaking overslept. Can't even call her now.

*******

I find this extremely cute: (Thnx a ton to the friend who gave it to me)

Waiting for someone, who doesn't care to even call and inform about being late, is probably the worst possible thing.

PS: What a post, on Valentine's day :-|

No mom. No celebration. Nothing to look forward to. No peace of mind.
Nothing.
Worst birthday ever.

I had a holiday after that terribly lonely semester, so to say. But well, (though I hate to use cliches) I need a holiday after this holiday.

OK however badly, the semester finished. Am I not glad :-|

For a brief period of time after my sister's marriage, our whole family (including my new brother in law and the old one) was together, under one roof. Surely, one of the happiest time in months for me!

I miss snow and the quiet. But unlimited coffee supply and not having to cook before eating - it's just so so nice. I will relax as much as possible, right now it's just me and mom at home. So basking in exclusive attention :D

It is -12, feels like -21°C outside. But I maintain: I like cold, I like the snow. Coffee had never tasted better.

My Eyes have deteriorated so much that I can't believe it. I can't see textbook titles on racks which everybody around me can :( I tried a friend's spectacles and the world looked so different! Headache everyday because of that. I am watching the saridon strips I got from India slowly disappearing.

***

It snowed again and this time it has been thicker than what we had so far. I threw snow at my friend and made attempts to build a snow man in vain (hands hurt too much). Sub zero is fun. More so, when you have the right company. You just have to dress in layers, the world looks refreshingly beautiful.

***

I am disoriented and finding it hard to focus on tasks and get things done. I don't know how to orient myself again. There is nobody who can sit beside me and advice me what to do and what not to do. I am left all by myself, I can make maggie, or cook good food, or not eat anything at all. I can watch a movie, read a book, or study a paper. Does it really matter? It is slowly dawning upon me, what being alone is like, as everyday unravels more choices to be made and nobody to be impacted by them, but you. It's funny and weird. I don't want to think it is sad, because if I start thinking on those lines, the inevitable endless family missing session kicks in and I will be hopeless and helpless.

Well I didn't intend the last paragraph to become what it became, but oh well... what, ever happens as we intend!

It snowed last night! I think multiple people tried to wake me up to see it happening and I slept through the whole thing. Anyway, it's not a one-time event here ;)
From my window I can see only 2 colors - white and dark brown. It's like vanilla ice cream and chocolate all over the place :)
I am thrilled to see nature taking a stunningly different form from what I was used to! First the fall colors and now the snow!
On the work front, I am lagging behind more than ever. I have no idea how I am going to manage all the tasks :S

Whenever I type for 2-3 hours continuously or write or use track pad, I am getting pain in the tips of my fingers. It's not exactly pain, it is somewhat like burning. When I observe carefully, I see parts of my palm and fingers slightly swollen.
It is bringing down my efficiency quite a bit, I am worried. Not that I am very efficient without the pain, but still :P

My cooking has been steadily improving since I came here. First few days, I had hit rock bottom, I was spoiling even mixing curd rice :P
Eventually I've got a hang on the amount of tamarind paste to add etc. I made fried rice today and it tastes quite decent. :)
Food is not a problem. Even if I don't get the cooking right, I can survive. Living away from family is a problem. Big, big problem.

I learnt that filling a sock with rice and keeping it in the microwave for 20s makes a very good heating pad.

Coffee has been a major problem since I came to the US.

It is my mom's mistake. Basically she would make sure that we always had a mild taste of coffee in our mouth through out the day, by giving us small quantities of coffee every half an hour while at home. And I am so used to having that taste in my mouth since I've spent considerable part of my life at home, running in rounds around my mom. Now obviously, I can't make coffee every half an hour, that is too much effort. I can't go to coffee shop very often, I am too broke for that. Well I am settling down for 3-4 cups a day, but then there is this problem.

Me and my roomies, in a weak moment when we were "diet" conscious decided that we should buy 2% milk. 2% milk is actually not milk, it is white colour water. It does not smell like milk, and is far far away from tasting like milk. I have a small coffee filter. (I hate instant coffee) When I made decoction and added to it the 2% milk, I used to get a pale brown coloured watery watery watery liquid. It is an insult to coffee to call that coffee. The coffee we get in trains in India is much better than that.

Today I discovered a new method - Making decoction with milk instead of water! And then adding more milk to this somewhat dark coffee colored milk-decoction. Surprise surprise! It works! I ended up with very strong stuff, but by adjusting the amount of powder, I should be fine. \:D/

I hope my experiments will help all other filter coffee lovers in my situation :P

I hate hate hate hate writing code for interpreters that make fuss about spaces and tabs.

For the first time in my life, I decided to say "No" to someone and did so. I really hope to maintain a long strong relationship with the person, so I guess this had to happen in some way some day.

I just hope I did the right thing. My stomach doesn't quite feel right ever since that matter into my mind. Lot of embarrassment and guilt.